I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
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