Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
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