It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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