You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Randomize
