you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
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