in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
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