Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
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