Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Randomize
