Is it normal to miss your booty call?
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
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