I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
