She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
