just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
