you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
