ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Randomize
