She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Randomize
