just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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