that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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