I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Randomize
