My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
I need water and some morals
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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