bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Randomize
