You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Randomize
