just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
