he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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