Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
I just found a bag of teeth...
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
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