What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Randomize
