Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Randomize
