THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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