Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
