i already hear my dad disowning me
my vag is so smooth its legendary
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
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