Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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