im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
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