8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
My cat gives me a boner
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
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