I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
