I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
