Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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