Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize
