I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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