He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
