did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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