She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
