i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Randomize
