guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
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