Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
