My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
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