Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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