he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
