there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
