so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
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