I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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