well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
