the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Randomize
