dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
id be glad to
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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