Already got asked if we're dating
I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Randomize
