you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Randomize
