I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
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