Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
